Body Swap
by AnimalCraziey
Summary: Co-written with TotalCitron. After investigating a house of a dead Marine/inventor Tony and Ziva find themselves in the other's body! Will they adjust to their new lives and will they ever be able to go back to their true bodies?
1. Chapter 1

Tony sighed. He was just TOO bored. There hadn't been anything interesting today...unless you included a cute new blonde who gave him a smile when he went to the bathroom...So yeah, a pretty uninteresting day; so far.

He scrunched up some rough paper and aimed for the waste basket. Missing the first time he tried again...and the paper was deftly caught by Gibbs. Tony was speechless.

"Can't have you bored DiNozzo. Come on, you and Ziva need to investigate a suspicious residence. " He threw the house keys to Ziva and the car keys to Tony.

"Just see if you can find any documents that might have any reference to the Navy. The house belonged to a recently deceased Marine, and before we give it to his next of kin we have to check it." Ziva nodded and headed out. Tony fell over his shoes. Gibbs smirked and Ziva muffled herself.

_In the Car_

"Aren't you glad?" asked Tony. Ziva shrugged and turned to face the him.

"Why should I be? I was perfectly fine at my computer..." She abruptly stopped and turned to stare out of the window. Confused, Tony poked her on the shoulder.

"What's up? What are you doing on the computer?"he asked. Sighing, she shook her head.

"I'm just writing a story, that's all..it doesn't really matter. Look, there's the house. Or at least the road to the house." They stared down a long lane. It was lined with trees and they couldn't see the house since the road was so long.

"Wow, this guy can't just have been a Marine. They're not THAT well paid." They circled the fountain and parked in front of the large Victorian era style house. Ziva opened the house and gasped.

"It's...it's..." He pushed past her and his mouth fell open.

"This is weird. What IS all this stuff?" There were blueprints everywhere, along with parts of machines and a smell of oil in the house.

"I'll look around for the documents Tony. You ought to look too." Ziva headed off into the dining room whilst Tony investigated the study. There were no Navy related documents but there was one machine which really intrigued him. He pressed a button...and soon regretted it.

As he tried to take his finger off a force prevented him from doing so.

"Ziva! Ziva, where are you?" She ran in and frowned at him; like a mother to a child who's doing something wrong. She inspected him.

"What's up? You've got yourself stuck? Maybe I should press the other one..." As she pressed the button the machine whirred to life.

Then suddenly, for Tony and Ziva, it all went black. BB


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi, so this chapter was written by TotalCitron (first chapter written by AnimalCraziey). I thought that I should let you know that we're taking it in turns to write this crazy story that I hope you will love as much as we love NCIS and you guys. **

"Ziva, Ziva?" Tony rolled onto his side to face her, his sides aching and brain whirring; the sight that met his eyes wasn't quite what he imagined, "WHAT!"

Ziva jerked awake at Tony's outburst, she went to grab Tony's hand and bring him back down to the floor in a swift movement but found her flexibility wasn't quite up to scratch, her reactions slightly off.

She pulled herself off the floor and looked at Tony, Tony stood where he was and looked at Ziva, their jaws about to hit the floor and their eyes popping out of their heads.

"NO WAY!" they both cried in unison, several times they open and shut their eyes wishing it to be untrue but the fact was… 'Ziva' was Tony, and 'Tony' was Ziva.

"Ziva, am I hallucinating?"

"I was about to ask you the same thing, and technically I think that I'm TONY"

Tony (or Ziva in body shape) laughed, "You just got one of the word contractions right, may be this won't be so bad."

"Not be so bad? Try telling Gibbs that," she put on a low sarcastic voice as she next said, "'so, Tony and I went into this house and he started pressing a load of stupid buttons, then, BAM! –I'm him and he's me,' that'll go well!" She arched and eyebrow, then paused after catching a whiff of her current state, "when did you last shower?"

Tony ignored her question and walked off to the machine and sat down on the edge of the blue-grey step in front of it, the mass of curly brown hair fell in front of his face and he found it oddly challenging to find somewhere to put it and to control it, but he could only smile when he noticed one advantage, "You know, I can look at your boobs whenever I want now?"

"TONY!"

Bullpen, NCIS:

McGee's head was hurting, not from the many open documents of computer lingo that he had to read and decipher, but from constantly spinning round in his chair. He'd been doing this for quite a while now; right after Gibbs had said that something had happened, something bad. Gibbs's gut had spoken again. Usually, at NCIS, bad stuff does happen, a marine tends to die just about every day, but Ziva and Tony hadn't returned from their mission yesterday and it's not like they were tracking down a serial killer – they were just giving a house the once over. McGee's gut may not be very experienced, but he could still tell that something was wrong, very wrong.

"McGee? You just gonna continue to bore me or are you gonna get some work done?" Gibbs called from the opposite side of the bullpen.

McGee scrambled for his mouse and fixed his eyes on his screen, "Sorry boss, it's just…" He trailed off, feeling like the over protective mother just making a fool of herself when her offspring are completely okay.

"Yes, McGee?"

McGee looked up at his boss who was peering over his computer at him, "Just, Tony and Ziva? You gotta wonder what they're up to."

Gibbs held back his laughter, "I'd rather not."

House:

"This really is quite a predicament," Ziva (or Tony in looks) stood up and studied the small, crowded room.

Tony rolled his eyes, "To quote Gibbs 'Ya THINK, David?'"

"You really captured his essence."

"Sweet-cheeks, I've really captured YOUR essence!" Tony did a twirl and graced his fingers down his body (or Ziva's body as an outsider might see), "I am you after all."

Ziva just scowled at him, nothing she could do or say would really meet up to the situation, and, to be fair, he was right.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Just a reminder; they've swapped bodies so when I say Ziva imagine her in/with Tony's body and vice versa**

"What do you suggest we do?" asked Ziva falling into the sofa as she tried to jump over. She cursed angrily." _Harah!_ Tony, you have such a heavy body." Tony frowned at Ziva.

"I'm a man Ziva. Or at least I was 10 minutes ago." He pulled a curl which sprung back.

"Hey, how do you deal with so much hair?" They looked at each other and said in unison.

"I can't deal with you." There was a silence.

"Well," said Ziva getting up from the sofa. " We have to deal with what life throws at us. We suffer and grow." She held out a hand for Tony to take. He recoiled when their hands touched.

"Urghh, I'm holding my own hand." Ziva quickly pulled him up but she didn't know her own strength so she pulled Tony up right to her/ his chest.

"Umm," Tony blushed and stepped backwards. " You're so strong Ziva. And a skirt is so unusual...it's so breezy and FREE down there." Tony hit Ziva lightly.

"Don't say things like that. It's just weird. Really weird." There was another bout of silence.

"How are we going to deal with this. Out of NCIS, you and I live very different lives Tony." Tony stroked her/his chin. It was a very valid point.

"We can't tell anyone obviously, they'll think we've lost it. I suppose that I'll just have to live as you and you as me till we can find a solution." Ziva laughed and looked him square on the eyes.

"Come on Tony, let's be realistic. Me having your lifestyle?"Tony nodded.

"There's no other way. I have to live your life and you have to live mine."


	4. Chapter 4

**For the sake of this story I now officially state that until further notice when 'Ziva' is mentioned we mean Ziva physically, not mental wise, likewise for Tony.**

The drive back to NCIS was unsettling; Ziva and Tony decided that for the most inconspicuous entrance back to NCIS they would have Tony drive, but considering that the new Tony was the old Ziva, that proved to be a little harder in practice than theory. When they finally arrived they could see a wash of relief over Gibbs, as he knew that his best agents weren't dead, or breaking rule 12. Abby was, well, Abby – generous with hugs and over talking. McGee was surprisingly pleased but no one much noticed with his head buried behind the computer and all.

"Missed us?" Ziva took a seat at 'her desk' and settled down. There was no reply though, not because they didn't miss them, they were just a little annoyed at her perky tone whilst they had been working for days straight.

The silence was soon filled with McGee's joyous voice as he rambled on about his findings, flicking through pictures of marines on the large screens above their heads. Gibbs looked at his watch, "Tony, go down to Abby, see if she's got any results back from the spatter analysis. Take a Caf-Pow."

Ziva moved to follow Gibbs' orders but hesitated before letting Tony go down.

_Abby's lab_

"Thanks Tony," Abby took her Caf-Pow and began to slurp before speaking, "So, I looked at the pictures and the sheets McGee and Gibbs brought back for me when you and Ziva were doing who knows what?" She paused, expecting some smart remark but as Tony stayed oddly quiet, Abby continued, "there was splatter on the furthest left wall and slight pooling on the carpet so, I'd say, although that girl was found on the bed, she was moved there, not murdered there. Although, speaking of beds, I did find something interesting there," Abby paused again, for the same reasons and before but with no remarks she went on, "Sure there was a lot of blood but I also found traces of drugs – your average pot, nothing that'd interest you."

"Thank you Abby, I'll tell Gibbs," Tony was about to leave when Abby grabbed his arm:

"No, something's up. No smart remarks, even when I made a special effort to give you an opportunity?"

"What?"

"You and Ziva? The bed? Remember?"

"You've lost me?"

"I know something's up Tony," she leant in and whispered into his ear in a sly, childish way, "I will find out."

Abby smiled just as Tony left still hooked on her words.

**TotalCitron xx**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Just a reminder when I say Tony/Ziva I mean them in physical form, so in the respective body. This chapter mentions porn but I think it's okay because I'm not **_**describing**_** it ;)**

"Do you notice something odd McGee?"Abby sat on his desk. McGee looked up from his tinkering.

"Odd? What's odd Abby?" Abby nodded her head towards Tony and then towards Ziva.

"Come on Timmy...Tony's reading Great Expectations and Ziva is looking at porn. _Female porn._" McGee leaned in closer to Abby. He glanced over at Tony. McGee whispered.

"I can speak for Tony, he has his odd moments. This is just one of those. Can you speak for Ziva?"

"When you whisper you have a higher pitch. It's easier for other people to hear." Both looked up to see Tony eyeing them suspiciously.

"Hey Tony...you enjoying that book?" asked Abby casually. Tony nodded and smiled.

"Yes. I think it is one of Dickens' best works." Tony carried on reading. McGee's and Abby's gaze switched to Ziva, who was happily humming and gazing at the computer screen. Abby winked at McGee and walked up to Ziva.

"Hey Ziva, what's up?" Ziva sat up suddenly, sending stray papers everywhere and knocking the coffee onto the floor.

"Ummm, nothing much as you can obviously see. Just a bit messy that's all." Tony frowned at her.

"You better get it cleaned up _Ziva."_ Abby sighed. There was definitely a message/meaning to Tony's gaze. These two were hiding something. But what?

"Oooh, what are you looking at?" Ziva was speechless as Abby scrolled down the page.

"Why isn't she saying anything?" thought Tony (in Ziva's body)."I hope she won't think I'm a lesbian, eek!" Abby winked at Ziva and quickly typed in a different website.

"This is unlike you to be viewing such material but since we're here." Abby changed to a different website; one which had male porn. Ziva tried to smile at Abby.

"No problemo _girl_friend." Abby emphasised on the 'girl' part and she could've sworn that Ziva had reacted. She'd flinched and turned away.

"McGee, come down with me to the lab. We need to find out more." She told him as she walked past his desk and McGee followed her.

Abby could feel eyes on her back. She turned round.

Tony and Ziva smiled and waved.


	6. Chapter 6

McGee!" Abby was fiercely gripping McGee's shoulders shaking him violently, oddly, with a huge smile on her face, "Do you see! Do you?"

"Abby, let go," McGee pulled away and shook his head.

"NO!" Abby exclaimed, attempting to grab him again, "Tony and Ziva are trying to turn me insane!"

McGee suddenly looked up, "Sorry...did I miss something?" Abby completely dismissed him and continued rambling.

"Insane! Wonderland insane. Like opposite land. Really, when was the last time Tony read a decent book and Ziva, well! I don't understand those two. Why would they want me to be insane? They are doing a pretty grand job though. Not making me insane, just trying to. The whole act – it's pretty good, it's as if…no. No way!"

"Err, Abby," McGee hesitantly moved towards the door, "Do you mind if I go now, Gibbs will-"

"It's as if they changed bodies!" Abby interrupted.

"That's crazy even for you," McGee stated before wandering out, even though he knew Abby had more to say – he was late, and maybe, after all, Abby WAS slightly insane.

With McGee now upstairs and with little work to do, Abby was alone with much to think on. She logged onto one of her computers –

_Tony,_

The email began.

_This is Abby, as you know._

She didn't really know what to say.

_Something's up._

Well, that's one way to put it, she thought.

_With you AND Ziva. I'm not sure whether you're just confusing me or_

How do you phrase this?

_You've changed bodies._

Oh dear, she did sound insane.

_I know that your acting is good; we learnt that from your little undercover trip a while ago._

Could she resist a winky face? No.

_;) But something's telling me this is different. Don't worry though. I WILL find out, and you certainly won't get it passed Gibbs for too long, even if McGee won't see it._

Typical McGee, he's so ordinary (and irresistible – *ahem* aside the point).

_Lots of hugs! Abby._

Send.

"We'll see," Abby smiled, (well, less of a smile and more of an evil grin), "Tony…or Ziva."


	7. Chapter 7

"I got an email," said Tony. Ziva didn't bother to look away from her screen.

"Yeah, so?"she asked carelessly. _**(A/N: of course for those who know the plot it isn't actually 'she' ;)**_

"It's from Ziva...addressed to you," Tony whispered. Ziva glanced this time.

"I think you better see this." Ziva sighed and dragged herself over to Tony's computer. As she read the email her eyes widened and she swore angrily.

"Abby's onto us and we know that Gibbs will be as well." They looked at each other.

"I will be what?" Gibbs seemed to magically appear out of nowhere.

"Angry with me," Ziva said as she snatched the cup out of Gibbs' hand and drank the coffee. She immediately gagged.

"Gibbs...this coffee is cold!" Gibbs tried to keep his smile small as he took the cup out of Ziva's hand and threw it into the bin.

"I know." He walked away to MTAC without a second glance at either of them.

"What do we do?" Ziva leaned on the desk.

"I had to watch a movie like this once. My girlfriend and I saw Freaky Friday." Tony snorted.

"Honestly Tony, how old was she? 18? 19 at most?" Ziva's face blanched suddenly.

"Tony? What's wrong?" Tony stood up and turned right into Abby.

"I was right," said Abby slowly, a grin slowly forming on her face. "You two have swapped bodies!" Tony hit the desk angrily. Ziva stood up.

"Hey, don't break my hand!" Abby leant back.

"How did this happen?" Ziva and Tony told the tale to Abby and she nodded.

"Well I have good and bad news for you guys," she said. "What do you want to hear first?"


	8. Chapter 8

Now there was a dilemma, Tony and Ziva coming to an agreement on something. They bickered for a while after deciding that they would here the bad news first, "Obviously, you two have changed bodies, just mentally though which means you must have exchanged thoughts or something. This is, to say the least…diff-er-ent, but there are a few ways we can solve this. Okay, maybe just one. We have to get back to wherever you switched bodies. So, here's the bad news…it's in Hawaii."

You could see Tony and Ziva's face drop right to the floor, "Err, HOW!"

"It wasn't really considered evidence, it wasn't that close to the actual crime and it was a treasured piece by the rich family and they fought tooth and nail to get that…so, naturally, they shipped it over to Hawaii in their holiday home where it now lives under lock, key, and a bunch of rich people who have a lot of say in how we operate right now."

"And the good news?" Tony whispered, hoping that this would somehow help.

"Ziva smiles a lot more. Tony really makes the Ziva body a lot cheerier. And Ziva, you make Tony a lot…Ziva-er?" Abby smiled weakly, "Gotta go!"

"Tony?" McGee called from his desk.

"Yes McGee," Tony called at the same time as Ziva.

"Do you know what's up with her?"

"Why don't you ask Ziva yourself?" Tony replied quickly, maybe too quickly.

"No, not Ziva. Abby," McGee said it dead seriously and he wasn't really one to have a joke, so he must have been serious.

"Abby? Abby! Abby's the LAST one with anything 'up' with her…maybe not the last, but she's certainly not the first!" Tony chuckled, lying back on his chair, "No, Abby's really rather great I think."

"Oh," McGee could understand why she may be okay, but not why she wouldn't be the 'first' and anything else that Tony rambled, "She's just been a little odd."

Ziva smiled brightly, "Don't you worry yourself over a 'little odd' McGee, because there's a lot of odd going on."


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: The name means the body of the person-it's been a while!**

"I like Hawaii." Ziva looked at Tony who was reading 'Of Mice and Men'. She frowned.

"Ok...two things. Firstly, have you been to Hawaii? Secondly, no one would believe that I...I mean I didn't know you liked those books Tony!" Tony smiled- a smile that hid something.

"Yes, I have been to Hawaii. It was a Mos...I mean it was a spring break thing. The books...Ducky gave me a whole list of books." Tony grinned when Ziva's expression hardened.

"Yes there are about 20 books on it. 'Of Mice and Men' was at the top." Gibbs walked into the bullpen and eyed the both of them. There was a silence for a moment.  
>"There's nothing to do as of now," Gibbs told them."If there is, I'll tell you." Ziva and Tony chose to stay silent as Gibbs ascended the steps to MTAC. The director was on the balcony.<p>

"I didn't know Tony was into literature," mused the Director. "He's upgraded himself from men's magazines." Jenny turned to Gibbs.

"What have you noticed?" Gibbs sighed as they looked onto two of their best agents.

"Ziva's looking at porn and Tony's taking care of his personal hygiene." Jenny leaned back and looked hard at Gibbs before breaking into a smile.

"I'm not sure I want to know how you know that!" The corners of Gibbs' mouth turned up.

"I saw Ziva's history on her computer. Oh and Tony doesn't smell from 2 feet away anymore." Jenny chuckled to herself.

"I can't believe you logged onto Ziva's computer and checked her history." Gibbs shook his head.

"No, I didn't. I asked McGee too. He'd noticed some odd things going on lately." Gibbs sighed.

"I intend to find out what exactly those odd things are."


	10. Chapter 10

"When can you book the earliest flight Tony?" Ziva peered over her book and her eyes opened wide. "Tony?...I mean...Ziva?" Today Ziva was wearing a daring skirt with slits up her thighs, easily showing off her bronze legs. Her blouse had a cleavage which was borderline regulation.

"Nothing great. Maybe we should try on a weekday..." Ziva shook her head. She didn't like what Tony was doing with her body and worst of all was that she couldn't do anything about it.

"You feeling the heat Ziva? You're wearing as little as possible." Abby came and commented, hiding a little smile. She leant it and whispered.

"But I think I really should be calling you Tony." She brandished 3 airline tickets in front of his face.

"Abby! You have the tickets!" Both Tony and Ziva rushed forward and then stopped.

"Wait...how come there are 3 tickets?" Simultaneously gazes switched from the tickets to Abby.

"I thought it went without saying that I would come with you guys...obviously not." Someone cleared their throat. It was Gibbs.

"But I think I ought to mention that McGee and I are coming too."


	11. Chapter 11

**Ahh so sorry to all of you lovely people out there reading this but here! I have finally written this so thank you for being so patient (especially you Animal Craziey) xxx Total Citron**

'**Ziva' is the body of Ziva**

'**Tony' is the body of Tony**

**The Plane:**

"I'm hungry," Ziva whined, thumping her head against the seat in front – Gibbs.

"Shut up!" Tony snapped, "You are NOT overeating!"

Abby restrained a smile from across the aisle, "Oh but if she did it would be SO amusing," Abby thought.

"Well I am hungry! What do I do when I'm hungry? I eat," Ziva retorted, reaching for the bread sticks on Tony's plate. Tony slapped her hand away:

"NO!"

What followed was a lot of kafuffle and squealing, leading to Tony and Ziva fighting like 3 year olds in a confined public area, a plane that held more than a couple grumpy passengers.

"Sorry, but I'm going to have to ask you to be slightly quieter, we are getting reports from other passengers," the stewardess peeped her make-upped face round the side of the seat, Tony and Ziva freezing before looking at McGee who just held up his hands defiantly.

"Yes you two," Abby replied sweetly, but clearly mocking them.

Gibbs sighed; he could still feel his chair wobbling about from Tony and Ziva fighting for bread sticks behind him. "This is going to be a long flight," Gibbs thought.


	12. Chapter 12

**Okay so I know that this chapter gets extra confuzzling with the whole Ziva/Tony thing so….**

'**Ziva'/ 'She'= Ziva's body, Tony's mind**

'**Tony'/ 'He'= Tony's body, Ziva's mind**

"aaaaaand TOUCHDOWN!" Ziva called at the top of her voice as the plane's wheels made contact with the Hawaiian ground.

Tony eyed her suspiciously before whispering, "Are you intentionally trying to make me look like a fool?"

Ziva just winked back at him as she gathered up her huge bags that swamped her tiny frame and tried to clamber over Tony to reach the aisle.

"Oi! Ziva get back and wait, we're NCIS for Christ's sake. Try and act like it!" Gibbs called back to Ziva, who was again doing her well-practiced three-year-old impressions.

So, following Gibbs' command Ziva sat down whilst Gibbs told the barging crowd to 'Hold it!' in a very NCIS-esque style. From there the four agents, plus Abby, fled the plane and made their way through passport control and security – of course it was not without it's complaining.

The Honolulu International Airport was spacious with odd plants dotted around in obscure places, however the placid and open atmosphere that it would have purveyed when empty was not so apparent when the whole place appeared to be shaking with the huge mass of people bustling about. The team managed to escape from the building soon enough though, diving into a rented car and leaving behind the infuriated people that Ziva had since met.

"Is it always like this?" Tony sighed from the back of the car, leaning his head into the plush headrest behind him.

"What is?" Gibbs, the driver, replied, unfazed.

"Oh, just all the bustling and madness. Is it like this everywhere in…" Tony dropped off, he was just about to say 'America' when he realised his fatal mistake that may raise eyebrows (for Tony lived in America, he knew what it was like – Ziva was not quite so clued up), "Ummm…Hawaii?"

"I don't know, Tony, you should ask Ziva – she's been I believe," Gibbs replied.

Tony had a small heart attack when he heard this. Of course he** (A/N: reminder now – 'Tony' is Tony's BODY and Ziva's mind) **had been to Hawaii before but like he had said earlier, it was a Mossad thing and that lovely spring break had mainly consisted of stakeouts and, well, 'ninja' stuff. Tony knew that the Ziva NOW had never been to Hawaii, "It's okay Ziva, I don't want to know anymore," Tony replied far too suspiciously and quickly for one sentence, gaining an odd look from McGee.

Ziva eyed Tony, more of glaring into his soul and punishing him for being so stupid, "Okay then," she replied slowly, only breaking eye contact after she knew her message was through.

**10 minutes of driving later**

The car pulled into a gas station, slowing as it approached the tank before Gibbs stopped the car and jumped out.

"So, who wants to play a game?" Abby bounced in her seat, startling the other passengers, McGee, Tony and Ziva, "You know, now that Gibbs has gone and taken all his seriousness with him."

There was a hesitant silence before McGee cut through it with a butter knife, croakily he said, "Ummm, I'm sure it will be saf….err, I mean…fine."

Tony and Ziva shared the same emotions as McGee, what exactly was Abby's little game?

"Okay then!" Abby cheered, "Truth or dare?"

**Until next time my lovelies….Total Citronxx**


	13. Chapter 13

**Ziva'/ 'She'= Ziva's body, Tony's mind**

'**Tony'/ 'He'= Tony's body, Ziva's mind**

Tony snorted into his pineapple iced tea while Ziva clapped her hands in delight. Abby saw an opportunity to stir things up a bit and she leaned over to McGee.

"Haven't you noticed that Tony and Ziva are acting really weird lately?" McGee nodded. Tony frowned at Abby before tiredly replying.

"Fine...a little game. We have to finish before Gibbs comes back though." He sat up and saw Gibbs looking at newspapers in the gas station. Ziva sat up and grinned; a worryingly evil grin with an evil glint in her eye.

"Let's play Messy Truth or Dare." There was an awkward silence. McGee cleared his throat before speaking quietly.

"Ziva...I think you meant 'Dirty Truth or Dare'. It's funny that you made a mistake as soon as you left the mainland." Abby widened her eyes and smiled.

"I'm surprised that you made a mistake at all...Tony." McGee looked up at Gibbs who had arrived back at the car. There was an unidentifiable expression on his face.

"I'll be a few more minutes...you guys keep yourselves entertained." There was a small smile as he walked back to the gas station. McGee stared after him; like a child watching their parents leave on the first day of preschool.

"Do you want to follow him McGooGoo?" Ziva yawned while stretching out her arms. Tony jabbed her in the ribs. McGee was confused.

"Ziva...you're acting a bit like Tony. Tony would call me McGooGoo." Ziva managed to laugh it off. "Oh McGee, did you have any of the champagne of the plane? That drink would make you into a totally different person like the movie '_Easy Switch'_!" McGee seemed to be satisfied; enough to give a reply to Ziva.

"No, I'll stay here." McGee settled into his seat and started to think "Gibbs will kill me if I leave-I have to keep an eye on those two for him'. Abby groaned lightly and sat up.

"Come ON let's play already. We'll draw straws." She cut up a straw that she had picked up on the plane and held it in her hand. The 3 others picked one. A groan soon escaped Tony's mouth.

"Truth or Dare?" Tony seemed wary, McGee noted, which was unusual behaviour for him.

"Truth." Abby's eyes gleamed as she thought of a question.

"Describe your most brilliant hook-up. The person, what you did...hey, it is dirty." Tony glared at Ziva before replying.

"It was...a girl. And we had sex...yeah." Tony made an effort to laugh and grin. He was met with a silence from the others.

"Really?" Ziva smiled before poking Tony hard in the shoulder. "I'm sure YOU can go in more depth TONY." Realising that they couldn't blow their cover in front of McGee Tony knew that he had to pull off something worthy of himself and soon.

"She was tall and her eyes were the colour of leaf buds and her hair the colour of corn ready to harvest." Tony waited for this to sink in. "Her skin was soft and golden...I can feel the beads of sweat on her body as we spent the night...I think that's enough, don't you?" He was met with silence .


	14. Chapter 14

**I don't think that you need the reminder but here it is anyway:**

**'Tony' = Ziva's mind**  
><strong>'Ziva' = Tony's mind<strong>

The smell of strong Gibbs coffee cut through the tense awkward silence, "Did I miss anything?" Gibbs hid the smile behind the cup of coffee as his team settled back into their seats exchanging confused looks and knowing glares.

_15 minutes later_

The gravel crunched against the tyres as Gibbs pulled into the large drive decorated with an enormous fountain in the centre holding a questionable fish-lady that was spewing out water.

The team were left gob smacked as they looked up at the huge house surrounded by palm trees and themed oriental ponds. Gibbs led the way to the front door with Abby trailing close behind.

"This truly is amazing," McGee muttered to Tony.

"I think so, also. It is a beautiful house and the gardens are something out of a fairytale," Tony admired, sounding more feminine than would please.

"And the state of the art security system is to die for," McGee continued in his own world, Tony's words lost on him.

A middle-aged man came to the door – clearly not the owner of the house, more of a butler, "Good afternoon, I assume you are the NCIS team wishing to speak with Mrs. Jones."

Gibbs recognised this as the wife of the victim who was now living with her parents in the family's holiday home, "Yes, thank you."

The butler lead the team of 5 through the grand hallways past a number of fine paintings and exquisite sculptures, however their meaning was lost on some.

"Look at that one, it's incredible! You rarely see such paintings in peoples' homes," Tony said, in awe.

"I don't understand it myself," Ziva groaned as she tried to figure out the tangle of people in a nearby sculpture, "Honestly, this looks like the thing in Super 8."

Abby could hear their muttering from the back of the group, "I only hope they can become better actors until we find that machine or Gibbs will soon catch on," she thought, in one way she was anxious for them but on the other hand it would be rather funny if he were to find out…

Thanks for reading! Reviews are like caffeine – we need it to keep going. No not really but it's always nice ;) Until next time…Total Citron


	15. Chapter 15

"I suppose you're here to talk to me about Lawrence?" Mrs Jones sipped her cup of Earl Grey tea before delicately nibbling on a scone. Gibbs nodded.

"Not one crumb of that scone got away from that plate," murmured Ziva. Tony nodded.

"Your husband invented many things after his honourable discharge, didn't he?" Mrs Jones held up a perfectly manicured index finger before replying.

"He was inventing things even before then. If it weren't for him shielding his friend from a bullet then his discharge would have been dishonourable. He spent so little time on his duties." Ziva looked around the sitting room with its fine furniture and Impressionist paintings on the wall.

"You have a lot of wealth Mrs Jones. Where does it all come from?" She raised her eyebrows.

"This is my family holiday home Agent. My father ran a successful banking business in his younger business. If you're implying that it could have been from one of Lawrence's inventions you're wrong." She sighed and sipped some more of her tea.

"He filed a few hundred applications for patents but he never got any. Not a single one. I hope that answers your question." She patted down her dress.

"Any more questions? I have to dress myself for a party this evening." Suddenly Tony stepped forward.

"Where are all of his inventions? We were interested in a particular one." Mrs Jones laughed.

"Gerald, please take them down to the cellar." The butler nodded.

"I sincerely hope you find the one you're looking for. A large house has a large cellar and my husband had a lot of time on his hands." She stood up and left to get changed.

"How many inventions could he have managed to pull off?" Gerald led the group to the cellar door.

"You don't find it hard when you have a physics degree! Good luck, finding a particular one is like finding a needle in a haystack." Gerald continued to chuckle as he climbed up the stairs.


	16. Chapter 16

**Same applies as always. Read on and with luck, enjoy! TC**

"_I sincerely hope you find the one your looking for_," Ziva imitated the woman sourly, attempting a posh accent and failing most miserably, "This is pointless, how long is this gonna take, we've been down here about an hour already and we've made it through about 2 aisles!"

"Well if you'd just quit getting so distracted!" Tony slapped Ziva's hand away from another of the alluring gadgets.

"I could get used to being Ziva..." Ziva mumbled rubbing her sore hand.

Tony caught her words and snapped round to face her, "No! You will not even speak such words. We WILL find it..." Tony said more but his words were lost behind the aisles ahead as he powered on with his goal in mind. Ziva moved along slowly than behind - not exactly taking pleasure from this field trip.

* * *

><p>"LUNCH!"<p>

A excitable voice woke Tony and Ziva from their dreams, Abby's voice was loud enough already but it was especially overbearing when it echoed through a large space meeting one's ears to wake you. Tony and Ziva startled, quickly bringing themselves to their feet. Clearly the trawling through mountains of meaningless inventions had not been quite so interesting as you could have thought- they had soon fallen asleep.

"Gibbs told me to bring you two lunch, Mrs. Jones...or her cook should I say, made some sandwiches for you and I thought I'd give you a hand anyway so I came down."

The stunned pair smiled but declined the food, their minds preoccupied with finding the curious machine.

With a skip to her step, Abby lead them through the aisles ahead of them, all stacked with machines of all sorts, she didn't really know what they were looking for but she hoped that as the pace setter, Tony and Ziva would hurry up and find it.

"Aha!" Ziva's eyes lit up as she saw the machine at the corner of the room, it was covered over by a white sheet from transporting it but she recognised the shape. Ziva ran over to it and ceremoniously pulled the sheet off. Tony felt sick with nerves, he daren't open his eyes to see if it were true, he only prayed (to whatever God because who God knows who he is) that it would be the machine that got them in this situation to begin with...

Relief washed over the three as they all saw the machine in its box that it had been given for transportation, Ziva swung open the catch door that was at the front and a million tiny pieces of machine fell out around them. It would seem that before they got back to normal they would have to build this thing.

The look of dismay fell across Tony's and Ziva's faces whilst Abby held onto a rather amused look, "Well, erm, good luck!"


	17. Chapter 17

**Sorry this update is SO LATE! Just a quick reminder (even I need it) that Tony is physical Tony and vice versa. **

**Love you guys xx **

"There have got to be instructions somewhere." Ziva went on all fours and fervently pushed aside little pieces of metal while searching for the papers. She sensed that Tony was holding something back and gave him the iciest glare she could muster. He sensuously stared back before taking a bite of an apple; so loud and unexpected it made Ziva jump.

"There won't be any instructions. I can give you a 100% guarantee." Her eyebrows furrowed and creased together, prompting an answer from Tony.

"If I invented something I would want to have a monopoly over it." Ziva sank to her knees.

"And you wouldn't make instructions because then others would know how to use it." She punched a nearly metal box, ignoring the pain. Tony sat next to her.

"What are we going to do?" her eyes were wet as she whispered. "I'm CRYING. It's like I'm becoming a woman!" For a moment Tony imagined how funny the current moment might seem to someone who wasn't in their situation but it soon passed. Instinctively he placed his arm around her shoulders and brought her closer. Her sobs subsided. It worried Tony too; the last time he'd showered was 3 days ago but he was immune to his scent. But it certainly wasn't something he was going to admit, another dangerous sign.

"Please don't break my hand," was all that came into his head. Ziva started to giggle, and then so did he. Their chuckles grew into raucous laughter with tears streaming down their cheeks. It was only then that they realised how close they had become.

"My eyes remind me of chocolate," Ziva tenderly placed her hand on Tony's cheek, causing him to momentarily shudder. "It's no wonder that girls love staring into them." Tony closed his eyes.

"Please continue," he said quietly before closing his eyes and relishing the touch of familiar fingers. Ziva pouted.

"That is probably the most unromantic turn on anyone could ever say. Trust you David. Maybe you should use other parts of your body to seduce instead!" His eyes snapped open.

"What are you talking about?!" Ziva tried to cover up her tracks. "I have an awesome memory. Remember when we were undercover? So do I. How do you think I know so much about movies?!" She was cut off as Tony suddenly lunged forward, clasped her wrists and pushed her downwards so that he back was on the floor. Her breath was caught in her throat but she yelped in pain. Tony released her but remnants of the anger remained in his eyes, which Ziva noticed had gone from a chocolate colour to almost black.

"You promised me that we wouldn't...explore ourselves." Now Ziva was defensive.

"Yeah I may not be as strong-willed as you but so what? We're colleagues and both of us have had sex, right?" Tony could feel a blush in his cheeks, at least he still retained SOME of his femininity.

"True...but YOU'RE the one Tony." Ziva was confused.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Tony sighed and brushed off his legs after he got to his feet.

"At least that'll be something possible to figure out. Or maybe it won't" Ziva couldn't put a name to the emotion in his eyes. "Hopefully it won't be the latter."

**Abrupt ending, I know...but this gives TC a little bit room to take the story wherever they want it to. Thanks again and keep reading Body Swap!**


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